The Joy of Gift Giving
by silentviolet0330
Summary: Lucy wants to give gifts to Sting and Rogue. Sting doesn't know what to get her in return. He asks Rufus and Orga to help him, since Rogue is not that interested. One-shot. Parody and Humor Fan Fiction.


"Hey Rogue!" Lucy greeted as she came into his and Sting's apartment.

"Come on in!" Rogue opened the door.

"I just passed by and wanted to give you my gifts and put it under your Christmas Tree!" Lucy chirped happily.

"Oh, uh, we don't have a Christmas Tree." Rogue told her. He felt kinda guilty.

"Then I'll just put them under my Christmas Tree!" Lucy made a solution. She was about to leave when-

"Wait! You bought me a present?" Sting questioned. Lucy turned around and nodded.

"But why would you do such a thing?!" Sting asked more.

"I don't know? Cause it's Christmas?" Lucy reasoned.

"Lucy! I know you're trying to be generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity! You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation." Sting walked towards her.

"Don't feel bad, Lucy. It's a classic rookie mistake." Rufus comforted her.

"My first Hanukkah with Sting, he yelled at me for eight nights." Rufus told her. Sting glared at him for telling that.

"It's okay! You don't have to get me anything in return!" Lucy told Sting.

"O-of course I do! The essence of the custom is that I purchase a gift for you! A gift of commentary value. And representing the same received level of friendship is represented by the gift you're giving me!" Sting explained. Lucy raised an eyebrow.

"You know what? Forget it! I'm not giving you a present!" Lucy made her decision. She was about to walk out the door when-

"No! It's too late! I see it! That elf sticker says 'To: Sting'!" Sting pointed at it. Lucy walked back in.

"T-the dye has been cast! T-the moving finger has wrote!" Sting convinced her. Orga whispered something into Rufus' ear.

"Yeah! I know it's funny when it's not happening to us!" Rufus chuckled. Sting glared at them.

"Sting, I am very _very_ sorry." Lucy apologized.

"N-n-no! No! I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life." Sting teased. He faced Rufus and Orga.

"I'm going to need a ride to the mall." Sting commanded. Rufus and Orga stared.

"It's happening to us." Rufus told Orga. Orga nodded.

* * *

**At 'Bathroom Supplies for Women' Store**

Sting, Orga, and Rufus went to the said store. It was all for women since the supplies there were, well, for women. The walls were covered in orange, purple, and pink colors. There was absolutely nothing for men to buy. Rogue didn't tag along. He said that he already got a gift for Lucy.

"I don't see anything in here a woman would want." Sting looked around.

"YOU'RE KIDDING ME!" Rufus shouted at him. "You've got lotions, and bath oils, and soaps! That's the estrogen hat trick!" Rufus explained.

"What it is, is a weird smelling smell made by the mixes of cinnamon and vanilla!" Sting argued. "It's as if my head was trapped in a pajama of nyan cat!"

"Sting, if you don't like the stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear!" Orga argued.

"I told you before! Bears are terrifying!" Sting argued back. They both turned to Rufus.

"Come on! Bath stuff! It's perfect!" Rufus butted in. He grabbed one of the gift baskets. "Look! You've got scented candles, green tea scented bath oil that promotes relaxation!" Rufus explained.

"I suppose Lucy is tensed." Sting wondered.

"She knows you! She's tense. We all are. BUY A BASKET!" Orga shouted.

"Excuse me! We're ready!" Rufus called out a sales lady.

"No! We're not!" Sting argued.

"Let's say for a moment that I accept the 'Bath Item Gift Hypothesis'! I now lay the following question. . . WHICH SIZE?!" Sting walked over to one of the gift baskets.

"This one! Let's go!" Rufus pointed at the one he was holding.

"You put no thought into that!" Sting argued.

"I'm sorry! Ummmmmmm. . ." Rufus' finger was going around.

"This one! Let's go!" Rufus pointed to the one he was holding.

"I have insufficient data to accept. Excuse me! Miss!" Sting called one of the sales lady.

"Yes?" She walked over there. Sting got the gift basket from Rufus' hands.

"If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone and no other data, infer and describe, the hypothetical relationship between us?" Sting asked. The lady just stared.

"Excuse me?" The lady asked.

"Here." Sting handed her the gift basket. She accepted it.

"Are we friends? Colleagues? Lovers? Maybe even my grandmother?" Sting asked.

"I don't understand what you're talking about and you're making me uncomfortable." She handed the gift basket to Sting.

"See? Sounds just like you and Lucy. We'll take it!" Rufus said, as he got the gift basket from Sting's hands.

* * *

**At Sting and Rogue's Apartment**

Rogue was lying down on the couch. Orga opened the apartment's door. He came in carrying two big gift baskets, and one small gift basket. Rufus came in next. He came in carrying two big gift baskets. Sting came in. He was carrying one small gift basket and licking ice cream. Sting closed the door.

"Great news Rogue! I've solved my 'Lucy Gift Dilemma!'" Sting excitedly said.

"Yipee." Rogue bluntly replied.

"You see, danger was that I might have bought a more higher or lower price than the one that she bought me. I've created a full working plan! I will open her gift to me first, and then excuse myself for having digestive distress. Then, I'll look at the price of her gift, choose the basket closest to the value, and give it to her!" Sting explained.

"Then I'll return the others for a full refund!" Sting smiled.

"Brilliant." Rogue bluntly murmured.

"It is isn't it?" Sting asked.

"Is it okay if I hide them in your room? The smell makes me have motion sickness." Sting said.

"Do whatever you want." Rogue replied.

"Thank you." Sting said. He stood up.

"Gentlemen?" Sting signaled them to follow him into Rogue's room. They followed.

"Why couldn't you have done what Rogue did? Get Lucy something useful that was his_ own_ original idea?" Rufus asked.

* * *

**The Next Day, Sting and Rogue's Apartment**

There was a knock in the door. Rogue opened it.

"Merry Christmas!" Lucy greeted.

"Merry Christmas!" Rogue greeted back.

"Oh? Good Lucy, you're here to exchange gifts!" Sting came out of his room. "You'll be pleased to know that I'm prepared for anything you have to offer."

"Okay? Here!" Lucy handed him his gift. Sting gladly accepted it. Sting ripped a part of it, but stopped for a moment.

"I should note, I'm having some digestive distress." Sting said. Rogue looked at him while Lucy shrugged.

"So if I excuse myself abruptly, don't be alarmed." Sting tried to calm them. He ripped the wrapper off and opened the box.

"Oh. . . a napkin. . ." Sting looked at her.

"Turn it over!" Lucy pointed at it. Sting did as he was told. Sting almost fainted at what was there. He carefully sat down at the side of the couch.

"T-t-t-t-to Sting, Live long and prosper, N-N-Natsu D-D-Dragneel!" Sting stuttered.

"Yeah. He's my partner, best friend, and team mate! Sorry the napkins dirty, he wiped his mouth with it." Lucy explained. Sting dropped the box and held the napkin. He stood up.

"I POSSESS THE DNA OF NATSU DRAGNEEL?!" Sting questioned. He started to shake. Rogue was amused.

"Yeah! Look he even signed it!" Lucy pointed at it again.

"Do you realize what this means?! All I need is a healthy ova and I could grow my own Natsu Dragneel!" Sting shouted. He was still shaking. Lucy looked at Rogue, then back at Sting. Rogue was very amused.

"Okay Sting, I'm only giving you the napkin." Lucy calmed him down.

"Be right back!" Sting ran towards Rogue's room. Lucy handed her gift to Rogue. He opened it.

"Oh? Motion sickness pills. Very thoughtful" Rogue said. Lucy laughed.

"Yeah! Poluchka-san has tons of those." Lucy explained.

"Well, here's my gift." Rogue handed her the said item. Lucy opened it.

"'101 Ways to Stop Fights In Your Guild'" Lucy read the cover of the book. Rogue smirked. Lucy laughed again. Sting came back with ALL the gift baskets he bought.

"Sting! What did you do?!" Lucy asked. Sting dropped them at the couch.

"I know! It's not enough!" Sting panicked.

"Here!" Sting walked over to Lucy. He stretched his arms and awkwardly pulled her into a hug. Lucy was surprised.

"Rogue, look! Sting's hugging me!" Lucy told Rogue.

"It's a miracle!" Rogue chuckled.

* * *

**Hey guys! Took me a lot of time to type this! This is also a parody fan fiction BTW! Sting is kinda OOC since this is a parody fan fiction. Idea came from TBBT! Please don't hate me for this! I don't own anything~!**


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